So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
