He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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