How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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