I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My ass is underappreciated
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
