Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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