everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
This is the high leading the old right now
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
