Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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