piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
