is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize