yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
