it wasn't lemon gatorade
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
