Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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