You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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