Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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