what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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