i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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