mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
