i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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