some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
