you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
We got so high we made milksteak
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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