So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
