I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
