I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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