guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
