Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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