What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
