I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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