People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
