dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
