we have pet lesbian snakes
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
