need another drink. this is the easiest way
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
