Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
