I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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