i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Swine flu is the new snow day.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
