Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
