The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize