ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
