Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
