I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
