The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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