Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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