The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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