I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
