saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
