U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
