I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
