just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
