I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
