I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
