I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Randomize
