direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
