made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
