Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
