my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
And my parents said I crawled through the house
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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