he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
