I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
