ugly people sure do ruin things
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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