yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Everyone says I win the strip club
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
