I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
