I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize