So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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