that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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