summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
