I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Randomize
