my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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