i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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