I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
