It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
