meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Sober January is a disaster.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
