I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
