you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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