They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
