I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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