This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
In other news, I just burned my penis
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
