i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
