I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
