How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize